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Thread: Craigslist Posting: To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Savannah, GA)

  1. #1
    The Tux Teck's Avatar
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    Craigslist Posting: To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Savannah, GA)

    This has got to be the greatest Craigslist ad i have ever seen. Unfortunately its been removed from Craigslist, but I've found a copy of it elsewhere.

    craigslist.org [?]Date:
    2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST


    I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.

    I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.

    I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex



    Im curious what a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP looks like. I don't think I've ever seen one, though i could be wrong.
    "Teck will be working on God's forum" -VincentVega

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  2. #2
    may the Bruce be with you CoffeeShark's Avatar
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    Kimbers are nice, but expensive. Usually a little more showy than I like, wood grips, chromed slides, vents, etc.

  3. #3
    Jack pwns my FACE FuzzyLogik's Avatar
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    Rofl
    "Good...Bad...I'm the guy with the gun."

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    living the clean life Tulkas's Avatar
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    this brings a smile to my face!

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    Quit Rage1's Avatar
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    That's is funny, of course he could be arrested for using the gas card, but it's still funny.

  6. #6
    may the Bruce be with you CoffeeShark's Avatar
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    I think all property on the criminal at the time should belong to the victim. I mean, the original victim

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    Quit Rage1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeShark View Post
    I think all property on the criminal at the time should belong to the victim. I mean, the original victim
    I hear ya but they both sound like criminals.

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    The Tux Teck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rage1 View Post
    That's is funny, of course he could be arrested for using the gas card, but it's still funny.
    Theres NO WAY that the mugger will go to the police and be like... "Well i decided to mug this couple and next thing i knew he pulled this huge gun on me... I shit my pants like so crazy hard you know... So then he took my phone, wallet, and my shoes! MY SHOES!... So the next day i was seeing all these charges on my card and i was like WTF!"

    Seriously... He will never go to the police. No DA or ADA would ever take a case like that against the victim of a mugging. They would go after the mugger, but...
    "Teck will be working on God's forum" -VincentVega

    "...and I like killing zombies and Cap'n Crunch. you put those two together and you've got one LETHAL-ASS good time combo" -DanFortH

    "teck is the noobest leet guy I've ever met" -CoffeeShark

  9. #9
    Mothman31B20 Unnamed One1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teck View Post
    Theres NO WAY that the mugger will go to the police and be like... "Well i decided to mug this couple and next thing i knew he pulled this huge gun on me... I shit my pants like so crazy hard you know... So then he took my phone, wallet, and my shoes! MY SHOES!... So the next day i was seeing all these charges on my card and i was like WTF!"

    Seriously... He will never go to the police. No DA or ADA would ever take a case like that against the victim of a mugging. They would go after the mugger, but...
    He could always go to the police and claim he was the one mugged and point towards the charges on his card and calls on his cell as evidence
    I am the tip of the Muffin, the first line of defense to America's future by giving confirmed terrorists muffins


  10. #10
    m00tini! wootini's Avatar
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    sweet! now i can get my cell phone back :d

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